Guess what I ate?!?
Ha! Not so fast, pal. On a recent trip to Wurstkuche, the ugg boot of downtown, my friend Andrew put me on to the world’s most confusing vegetarian sausage ever. If I hadn’t been with two other vegetarians who vouched for the meat-freeness of the sausage, I would have done that embarrassing “are you sure this isn’t real meat cause if it is I can’t eat it” thing.
How does it work? First you patiently wait in line to order your sausage and beer. You can choose from the exotic, like alligator and pork or rattlesnake and rabbit sausage or the gourmet like apricot and ginger or sundried tomatoes with mozzarella. Or even the vegetarian like Italian with fennel and eggplant or the Mexican Chipotle with garlic and onions.
Choose from Belgian, German, North American, and English beers and then be prepared to order from this guy.
I’m pret-ty sure he was running the show by the way he bossed me around. You don’t want spicy peppers, you want sweet ones! Your favorite dipping sauce is curry ketchup! Whatever you say, pusherman, whatever you say.
Andrew and I made a bet earlier about whether or not they had more than one vegetarian sausage option. I’m about as big of a skeptic as I am a loser, and my skepticism lost me this bet. Thank God the stakes were not as high as our last bet. This time loser bought french fries. Let’s not talk about last time.
After the order was official, we made our way down a narrow hallway to the giant Beowulf-ish mess hall.
There I positioned us strategically away from a children’s birthday party, earning me the reputation of most insensitive asshole ever. Personally I thought it made me a hero.
Andrew got the mango jalapeno sausage (chicken and turkey) with grilled onions.
The other veggies and I all ordered the Vegetarian Smoked Apple Sage sausage, with apples, yukon gold potatoes, and rubbed sage. I got mine with sweet peppers and grilled onions, as I was instructed to do by my new boss.
Hi sausage. I miss you.
In theory. In reality, I think we might have grown apart.
Until now. I can’t believe it’s not butter sausage.
Small order of fries were kinda huge and kinda amazing:
After dinner we made our way through the sparkly streets of downtown to Staples Center to watch the Clippers lose by just a smidge.
Then I learned that my infinite knowledge did not include how to eat peanuts. Apparently there’s a right way and I wasn’t doing it. You know what you’re definitely not supposed to do, though? Get peanuts all over deez nuts:
Beer. Sausage. Sports. Deez Nuts jokes. Don’t I not seem like a vegan? Like the veggie sausage I ate (and loved!), you’d never know I was meat-free just by looking at me.
