This week I celebrated the portion of Vegetarian Awareness Month I like to refer to as Fuck It’s Annoying to Be Vegan in a Nice Italian Restaurant.

Try going to Mozza and not ordering the octopus. (It’s been their top-selling dish since they opened AND it’s maybe the best use of sea creature and celery one could fathom).

First an amuse bouche from the chef:

They were super accommodating and helpful regarding my special requests and seemed disappointed on my behalf when I started with the Insalata Mista. I was pleased though, given that it was a personal choice to limit myself, as annoying as that choice felt.

Joanna started with the Market Lettuces with crostini di anatra (which I believe is pate. If I’m wrong don’t bother correcting me–I hate being shamed).

Then we split the corzetti stampati with eggplant, olives and fresh ricotta, which they gave us on the side. Plus we shared a side of these amazing baby eggplants shaped like potato-y figs—yogurt dressing also on the side. The pasta was LIKE BUTTA.

Just when I was coming to terms with NO octopus, NO steamed mussels, NO prosciutto at this meal—I glanced to my right and spied this slab of deliciousness taunting me!

Oh you have your own cutting board, do you? Cause you’re so substantial??

Finally, a baked pear with the most insane pear gelato known to mankind. I would scratch veganism and go for pear gelatoism if it were an option.

There were a few moments in this meal where I missed animal, I’m not gonna lie. But sometimes they’re just too cute to eat.

Generally I don’t fan out in the presence of celebrities, but there are two exceptions: any of the hot L Word bitches and famous chefs. With Nancy Silverton working hard directly in front of me throughout the entire meal (we were at the mozzarella bar), I spent most of dinner trying to think of something super funny but also super natural and relaxed to say to her.

She seems like she wouldn’t have patience for much else. No such wise gem came to me so I kept my pie hole shut save for a “thank you” at the end. That I said twice. Just in case she didn’t hear the first one.

P.S. Camera Sponsors? Someone? Help? My pictures? So bad? Damnit.